“Yeah, I Sucked His Fat Chode…” – Acclaimed Actor Jake Gyllenhaal Opens Up To Liberty Dogs News About His Harrowing Encounter With Harvey Weinstein


*For confidentiality our reporter conducting the interview shall be referred to as, Q.*

Q: “First all, Mister Gyllenhaal we here at Liberty Dogs News just wanted to say we are huge fans of yours…..”

J: “Donnie accepts his death, understanding what his continued life would mean. Most of the film takes place in a tangent universe, where Donnie is guided by Frank and others, and shown what will happen if he survives the jet engine.

Does Donnie choose to die? To me, this is hard to answer. At one point, Donnie asks his physics teacher about free will versus following the ‘path of god.’ We can actually see this ‘path of god’ for some people when their movements are predicted by some computer graphics. On a larger scale, Donnie has been marked for death as his path, and it is debateable as to how much choice he really ever had. I think to say he accepts it after losing Gretchen and killing Frank is the most accurate perspective.” The actor said in a knee-jerk reaction.

Q: “Thanks for the insight Mr Gyllenhaal but we really wanted to…..”

J:  “Another theme of the film is dying alone. Grandma Death says that every living creature dies alone. In a way, Gretchen, Frank, and Donnie all do die alone. Donnie thinks about this doom in questioning the existence of god. He is often a lonely guy; the idea seems unfair. I think this theme is really about having to accept our own deaths. We need to see that the destruction of ourselves is just another form of creation — something Donnie himself points out (in his own way) in analyzing Graham Greene’s story in school.” A wave of relief ran over his face.

Q: “Again sir, thanks for your thoughtful analysis but we really just wanted to the focus of this interview to be about your encounter working with Mr. Weinstein.”

J: “Yeah I sucked his fat chode! So what?!” Gyllenhall said in a surprising, angry outburst.

Q: “So sorry Mr. Gylenhall. We didn’t intend to bring back any painful memories so suddenly. Perhaps we could start by hearing about your first time meeting Weinstein? Did you notice anything off about him immediately?”

J: “Ah yes, well, I first met Mr. Weinstein on the set of Southpaw in 2014. While I didn’t immediately notice anything wrong with him on the outside, actually *laughs and bites bottom lip* … he was kinda perfect.”  The blushing actor quickly glanced away.

Q: “Perfect?”

J: “Well you know, he was such a big, hairy and powerful man. His eye would always be winking at you, so friendly-like and reassuring. Gazing into from across set, it always put my nerves at ease and gave me confidence during difficult scenes.  I’ve spent many nights with other powerful men in my career, but none could ever compare to Harvey… he was different.”

Q: “Many nights? On set you mean, right?”

J: “Yes, of course! What else would I mean?!” Gyllenhall said nervously.

Q: “Whats interesting about your case is not only are you the first man to come forward about his own personal experience with being sexually assaulted by Weinstein, but you were already a wealthy A-lister at the time of meeting him. Mr. Weinstein is only known to prey on young women who are early on in their careers and desperate for a big break, so what was it exactly that pressured you into committing sexual acts with him?

J: *sigh* “I don’t exactly know how it happened. *unbuttons top collar * I was just sitting in my hotel room going over my lines for the first day of shooting when I heard a knock on the door. I went to go answer and low and behold it was Harvey standing there so big and intimidating. I felt so small. So afraid, yet dying to know what will happen next. Somehow we wind up on the bed, his hand on my chest. My heart did a double take, I was in his control. *begins fanning himself* He was complementing me on my body that I worked so hard for to get ready to for my role as a professional boxer. I was beginning to think nobody noticed… Before I could open my mouth to say anything he whipped out his fat chode and before I could even think my mouth was engulfed in its greatness.” Gyllenhall’s infamously solemn gaze seemed worlds away from its now bright, nostalgic appearance.

Q: “From what you are saying at least, it sounds like you enjoyed your time in the company of Mr. Weinstein? Are you positive this was sexual miscond…”

J: “Excuse me! Are you even following what I’ve been saying? I was clearly taken advantage of! I was raped! Do you even get Donnie Darko?! I’m getting out here, NOW! #MeToo!”

Mr. Gyllenhall proceeded to storm off, hands covering his crotch, but not before mysteriously stopping in the men’s room for 5 minutes, then quickly running out the door.

We here Liberty Dogs News thank Mr. Gyllenhall for his time and bravery coming forward as the first male victim of Harvey Weinstein. We hope his story influences other men and women to do the same.

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